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We are so very glad that you have decided to use Alice’s Match Making services. We strive to find your next best Love, Soulmate, Friend, Pen pal or such. What you do after you get matched is not up to us to judge or our responsibility. Read The Privacy Policy here
How we find LOVE
1. Easy, you answer our questionnaire.
2. We match you with, hopefully, your type of creature.
3. We’ll email the matched parties each other’s contact info. And, there ends our Match Making Services.
3. If you want to match with multiple people, you should fill out the questionnaire multiple times. A single submission of the questionnaire will get you the chance to get matched with one creature of your preferance.
How our home team has answered these questions
Just dummy responses. You won’t be matched with any of the APO team. Your submissions will NOT be published.
Alice
WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU?
Alice, the Kittum of Love
YOUR EMAIL (DOUBLE CHECK!!!)
alice@alicekittums.com
kittums@alicekittums.com
alice@councilofancients.kv
WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
A Pen Pal
WHAT GENDER DO YOU IDENTIFY AS?
Female about 90% of the time. Male about 5% of the time. The rest of the time, I am so confused that I don’t even know what I identify as.
WHAT GENDER SHOULD YOUR MATCH BE?
Anything, I care not.
What’s the most unusual or unique item on your bucket list?
Be a playable piece on a Giant Board Game Challenge.
If you could learn any new skill instantly, what would it be?
Photosynthesis
What’s a skill you possess that others might find surprising?
“Interpersonal Skills”. I believe that is what they call it on Earth. We just call it Intercreature Skills. Anyway, I am quite good with other creatures despite my many unconventional moods and annoying habits. I just like to say I am “Charming” but Nanu says it is technically just Intercreature Skills.
What’s a piece of technology you can’t imagine living without? Is there maybe more than one, what are they?
There isn’t. Honestly just take them all way and leave me in peace. Even filling out this form to appease Nanu is harrowing enough. But sometimes we must move with the times…
What’s the most interesting or bizarre job you can imagine having for a day?
Something that is like one of those human Psychologists, but for the Kittums
If you were a flavor of ice cream, what would you be?
STRAWBERRY (I can eat myself)
If you had a theme song that played every time you entered a room, what would it be? Or don’t you listen to enough songs to answer this question?
Samson by Regina Spektor (Link here courtesy of APO)
If you could have any mythical creature as a roommate, which one would it be (again, try to tell us why)?
None, I am not going to go asking for more room mates. They just seem to come on their own accord (plus, Nanu is glaring at me)
If you were to receive a surprise gift, what would you expect to receive?
A “Suprise Gift”, that is what i would expect.
Anything else you want to tell us?
(I was told to completely ignore this question by the other team members. According to them, when some one says “Anything” I will literally say Anything and Everything. So, I am being opted out of this question forcefully).
Nanu
WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU?
Nanu, I am not a Kittum
YOUR EMAIL (DOUBLE CHECK!!!)
nanu@alicekittums.com
WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Someone I can Love
WHAT GENDER DO YOU IDENTIFY AS?
100% Female, Earth Snake. No hanky-panky in-between stuff like the Kittums.
WHAT GENDER SHOULD YOUR MATCH BE?
Just match me with the Esteemed Kittum of Justice if they have filled the submission.
What’s the most unusual or unique item on your bucket list?
To fly
If you could learn any new skill instantly, what would it be?
Neural Hacking
What’s a skill you possess that others might find surprising?
Surprisingly, maybe not, but I am very patient. I am not very patient with Alice obviously. She could always do with a telling off. But everyone else enjoys the bliss of my patience. Heck, i am a talking snake that got really lucky. So, I will just be patient with the rest of the creatures around me and try to spread that “love” stuff Alice keeps going on and on about (Especially to the Esteemed Kittum of Justice).
What’s a piece of technology you can’t imagine living without? Is there maybe more than one, what are they?
My Boop2-Beep2 Eight. Can not live without that
What’s the most interesting or bizarre job you can imagine having for a day?
I think the most interesting job is the Esteemed Kittum of Justice’s job. I think it can manage that barely for a day because it is a very Esteemed and of course interesting job. the most bizarre job is obviously Lemonade’s job. However, I won’t touch that guy with a 10-foot pole, let alone his job. I’m not talking about his job at the APO, I mean his job to make humans achieve their desires for Lemonade. Bleah, that stuff is sour. So, my answer is NO, I can’t think of a job that is both interesting and bizarre that I can possibly find myself doing.
If you were a flavor of ice cream, what would you be?
Chocolate Chip Mint (by the way the Kittums have still not figured out if it is ok for me to eat Ice-cream, I just like how “Chocolate Chip Mint” looks and smells)
If you had a theme song that played every time you entered a room, what would it be? Or don’t you listen to enough songs to answer this question?
Shotgun – George Ezra (Link here courtesy of APO)
If you could have any mythical creature as a roommate, which one would it be (again, try to tell us why)?
I think living with the chaotic Alice, and the super subservient Caroline, I don’t need any more creatures to live with mythical or otherwise.
If you were to receive a surprise gift, what would you expect to receive?
PLEASE ARRANGE A DATE WITH THE ESTEEMED KITTUM OF JUSTICE DRESSED LIKE A VICTORIAN CHARMING. THANKS!
Anything else you want to tell us?
Nope, not really, all good 🙂
Lemonade
WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU?
Lemonade, Not “Lemons”, Not “Lemme”. It’s Lemonade.
YOUR EMAIL (DOUBLE CHECK!!!)
postoffice@alicekittums.com
WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
A Friend
WHAT GENDER DO YOU IDENTIFY AS?
Male, but I eh, fight in the street championships down under so, I also go in for the women’s league. But yeah, if you ask me straight, I call myself a Guy.
WHAT GENDER SHOULD YOUR MATCH BE?
Male, or mostly male, a creature with a Male vibe you know. I’m not comfootable being friends with em ladylike things, except maybe Caroline is cool.
What’s the most unusual or unique item on your bucket list?
Definitely, to join eh, one of those spontaneous pillow fights in a public kinda space. With like a bunch’a strangers armed with pillows.
If you could learn any new skill instantly, what would it be?
Prolly to maybe sharpen my writing and language skills, I mean the bloody Snake writes better than I can.
What’s a skill you possess that others might find surprising?
I’m a good cook. I sometimes cook for my mates Down Under and they yeah, find it surprising and all that I can cook. But I say, anyone should be able to cook yeah!
What’s a piece of technology you can’t imagine living without? Is there maybe more than one, what are they?
I got non really, just my bare hands and me can work myself out of anything you throw my way.
What’s the most interesting or bizarre job you can imagine having for a day?
Recently though, I’ve been thinking bout Snake Milkers, you know those guys who extract venom from snakes to make antivenom and stuff, I saw it in an Earth video the Snake was watching. Funny yeah, the Snake has no idea who I really wanna be milking.
If you were a flavor of ice cream, what would you be?
Chocolate, Nice, smooth, basic Chocolate gimme that any day.
If you had a theme song that played every time you entered a room, what would it be? Or don’t you listen to enough songs to answer this question?
We Are Young – FUN (Link here courtesy of APO). By the way yeah, “Sunglases” is Lust, ya’ll know the Kittum of Lust, that prick.
If you could have any mythical creature as a roommate, which one would it be (again, try to tell us why)?
Nay, mannnn, I’m too messed up to care for another creature.
If you were to receive a surprise gift, what would you expect to receive?
Nothing really, oh but Caroline’s cakes are good. If she can spare some for me yeah
Anything else you want to tell us?
Fight on!!!
Caroline
WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU?
Caroline the Kittum of Pleasing Handwriting
YOUR EMAIL (DOUBLE CHECK!!!)
postoffice@alicekittums.com
WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Pen Pal
WHAT GENDER DO YOU IDENTIFY AS?
I have always been a lady, verily and unerringly so.
WHAT GENDER SHOULD YOUR MATCH BE?
I harbor no reservations whatsoever regarding their gender, for such matters stir no discontent within me.
What’s the most unusual or unique item on your bucket list?
To journey to the antipodean lands beneath, commonly referred to as the Down-Under, beckons as a venture of considerable allure and fascination.
If you could learn any new skill instantly, what would it be?
Engaging in the art of guitar playing does promise a venture into realms of both adventure and merriment.
What’s a skill you possess that others might find surprising?
I possess a talent for the rediscovery of misplaced household accoutrements, a skill I attribute to the whimsical nature of Alice. She, in her charming folly, often misplaces her precious baubles and trinkets. Although not diminutive in personality, her panicky outbursts bear an undeniable charm, endearing in their own right. It amuses me greatly to witness her distressed state, for when, with practised adeptness, I unveil the whereabouts of her lost treasures, her astonishment and serenity are quite palpable.
What’s a piece of technology you can’t imagine living without? Is there maybe more than one, what are they?
Indubitably, a reliable iron is an indispensable accoutrement in my existence. The virtue of adorning oneself in garments that bear the mark of a meticulous press is, to my mind, an essential facet of life’s requisites. Within the confines of our home, it is a widely acknowledged truth that we all hold in high regard the virtue of neatly pressed habiliments. Even Nanu espouses a predilection for the crispness of well-pressed linens and handkerchiefs. The artistry of a good iron, therefore, becomes not only a domestic necessity but a cherished practice embraced by all in our abode.
What’s the most interesting or bizarre job you can imagine having for a day?
The vocation of a human journalist does carry an air of awe and allure. The pursuit of gathering, disseminating, and chronicling the manifold narratives that weave the tapestry of human existence holds within it a sense of nobility and adventure. To wield the power of words in illuminating untold stories, bearing witness to historical events, and serving as a conduit for information, is a calling of great significance. Verily, the life of a human journalist appears to be a noble and captivating endeavour.
If you were a flavor of ice cream, what would you be?
My predilection here leans towards the enchanting essence of Strawberry ice cream.
If you had a theme song that played every time you entered a room, what would it be? Or don’t you listen to enough songs to answer this question?
Caroline – XXELIA (Link here courtesy of APO).
If you could have any mythical creature as a roommate, which one would it be (again, try to tell us why)?
I think I already have my two favourite Mythical creatures with me. The first, fair Alice, though not mythical lineage, she does engage in whimsical and outlandish pursuits that bewitch even us Kittums. Then Nanu was brought into our midst through the peculiar machinations of Alice. And, she, indeed, possesses the essence of a true mythical creature.
If you were to receive a surprise gift, what would you expect to receive?
In consonance with the sentiments of Alice, I too harbour the inclination to preserve the enchantment of surprises, allowing their revelations to unfold in their own time.
Anything else you want to tell us?
🙂
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YOUR ANSWERS WILL BE EMAILED TO YOU
Obviously, we need you to sign your soul off to us and we are not taking any responsibility. Also, Alice and the other Post Office staff are only participating as “Match Makers”. READ CAREFULLY AND PROCEED.
The next batch of matches will most likely be sent out on the 30th of November 2024. However, if you are critically in need of someone to love, please fill out the general form above and contact the APO, someone will probably be able to help you.